She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
