i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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