3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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