the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
