You just made me feel so damn special
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
