Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
