he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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