He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
