i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
