I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize