Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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