Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
