like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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