whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
