he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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