How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
