oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need moral support for this bender
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
