you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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