I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
