I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
