I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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