i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
