I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
