my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
