I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
