he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
