Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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