I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
