His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
