I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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