my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
