I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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