I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
