When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
