her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
