I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
