If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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