I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
