If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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