What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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