i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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