Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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