You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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