You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
