Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize