I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
