Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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