Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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