I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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