I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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