I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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