You really coming over, don't trick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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