you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
