make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
