Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you had me at cake vodka
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
