piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no, he came in my armpit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
