Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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