I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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