Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
