if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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