The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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