The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
