Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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