i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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