I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
