hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
