New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
