I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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