you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
