ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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